I don’t know where to begin… I am feeling frustrated. I have never wanted anything so much in my entire life. I am trying so hard to do the best I possibly can, but it just doesn’t seem like enough. I work out 6 days a week, and I love it, but I’m just not SEEING results. I know Rome wasn’t built in a day but come on! I guess I just have my expectations set too high. I am hoping I can get my spirits back up as quickly as possible. I’m not used to letting things bring me down, but it can get to a point where you just have to take a step back and accept your feelings and try to make sense of it all.
Sometimes people just need a chance to vent. I guess that’s what I’m doing this week. I want to scream, cry and laugh all at the same time. I am so good at pretending everything is okay, but I hurt. Being called fat hurts. Having people use weight to judge you as a person hurts. Living life afraid of never accomplishing anything hurts. I am so tired of being the joke and my weight shouldn’t be the punch line. I am NOT a joke, I am NOT worthless, and I WILL succeed in life. I can barely type this with the tears running down my face, but it feels good to let that all out. I am done trying to find approval through others. I am doing this for me, my health, and my life.
“Beneath the makeup and behind the smile I am just a girl who wishes for the world.” – Marilyn Monroe