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If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.  ~Vincent Van Gogh

As of late my hardest challenge has been silencing that voice.  However, that voice does not tell me I cannot paint, that voice tells me me to give up…that I can’t do this.   “Small” has never been my thing,  basically large tasks are hard for me because they take small steps.  My weight is the perfect example of this… My ideal weight seems forever away, 5 pounds is progress but very small step in a series of hundreds of small steps.  It is hard for me to accept that I need to take things one step at a time, especially when the reward seems so far away.

When I am uncomfortable I make jokes…humor is my comfort mask.  Sometimes that mask causes a lot of self-doubt, I make a joke and then I think about how true what I said was and how truly unfunny my joke was.  This experience has been very hard for me so far but looking at me all you will see is the smile I put on.  I never want people around to see just how unhappy I have been, so I hide behind the humor.   The other day I was asked what my goal weight was and i thought about it and came up with a rough number, but in coming up with that number I realized I want…no I need to lose 220 pounds.   This thought made me very uncomfortable so I cracked the joke that not only do I need to lose a persons,  I need to lose an obese person.   Everyone laughed, even me…but inside I wanted to cry because that made being thin seem even farther away.

So my small step for this week is to shut out that negative voice, to prove myself wrong, to lose that extra person and with her all the negative and self-doubting thoughts.  I CAN DO THIS AND I WILL!

PUSH!!! Everyday I am saying, “push…just 10 more minutes… push now 5 more… push 1 minute left…push you can do it come on!”  Everyday is a new experience for me, a new challenge, how far can i push myself?  Well the answer is already clear, each day I just push a little bit more.  I did 10 minutes yesterday well today I’m doing 15!  Each time I walk into the gym it feels like a breath of fresh air…I know that everyday I workout is one step closer to being healthy and a more active person…one step closer to running at the park with my son…one step closer to a whole new lifestyle a whole new Kelly!   I did not realize before I started the full effect this would have on every aspect of my life.  Not only do I physically feel better when I workout I have already started to feel better about myself,  I’m happier, I just feel good inside.  I’m not saying by any means it has been easy, because it has not.  Everything we do hurts, but it is worth it and I just have to keep telling myself that.  Sometimes I can’t do what everyone else is doing, but Lisa and all the staff at Flab to Fab understand that, and when I can’t do something they show me a variation that I can do.

We had measurements done week one, this week we stepped onto the scale.  This was the hardest part for me so far, I weighed in quite a bit higher than I thought I would.  I guess the severity of my obesity never really hit me until this competition.   I did not expect this to be as hard as it is…I definitely feel it was an eyeopener to how unhealthy I really am.  I just don’t know how I got to this point, everyone always assumes if you are fat you must eat all the time, for me that’s not the case. I have never had the problem of eating to much,  my problem with food has always been not eating enough, eating more than once a day as well as making sure I eat a variety of foods so that my body gets everything it needs.  I have been eating every 3 hours since we started and I’m trying to eat the foods I need.  I have more energy already, which is amazing.

I can’t wait to see how all of us do!  Every girl in this understands what the other girls are going though and are so supportive,  we stick together we push each other and I’m thankful that these wonderful women are here for this roller coaster to a healthier life with me,  We can all do it and we all will!

I drive into my driveway and start to unpack my groceries, my phone rings twice and i miss both calls … I call the number back and on the other end is Lisa.  “Would you like to be on of the final 6?” she askes.  I reply “I would love to!” then I hang up and start to tear up.  You see my weight scares me…terrifies me is a better word.  I am tired all the time and most activites have become very difficult.  I have a four year old son and I can’t even sit on the floor with him and play without it being very uncomfortable.  So being chosen was a life saver and I thank all of Flab to Fab for the oppertunity.

Yesterday July 13th was day one, I woke up and my stomach did circles all morning.  What will it be like? Can I really do this? Both questions that kept running through my mind.  Getting to 10:30 seemed to take forever, when I finally got there it was amazing Lisa and the staff were great.  The other consestants are all amazing women and I know we will all work our hardest to become healthier women. At the end of day one I was tired but I realied I can do this!  I felt better than I have in months!

I have a place, there is nothing special about the way it looks, four walls, a ceiling and a floor.  What makes my place special is what goes on inside those walls.  Women’s lives are changed!  They meet new friends, feel better about themselves, and mold the outside to match what’s on the inside.

I had an idea to help some very special people, people with the desire for a healthier lifestyle.  The idea was my version of the “Biggest Loser.” My version because no one gets kicked out.  One hundred and seventy four women wrote and stated their case as to why they should be among the chosen six. Thirty four were asked to come for a meet and greet … the plan was to pick the six to participate.  After meeting them all, the six became seven, seven more were given a free 3 month membership, and the remaining 160 women are being given the option to join the gym at half price.  All the women are special and have a different story.  After reading all the submissions I knew I couldn’t walk away from any of them.

My place is Flab to Fab, nothing special about the building or what it looks like, all the magic is on the inside. It’s a judgment free zone.  Women from 17 to 70 are there to better themselves physically, the magical part happens when they look in the mirror and like what they see.  With hard work and determination you can mold the body, the mind and the heart on the other hand it takes time and encouragement.  To all those women who submitted entries I say: “That was the first step, now take the second and use the half price membership.”  Make a new friend, feel better about yourself, get healthier, and be there for yourself and the ones you love.

– Lisa Desko, Owner, Flab to Fab

Thin It to Win It Participants: