One of the things I took from my grandmother’s house after she passed was a little wall plaque that she hung in her bathroom. I put it in our bathroom when we bought our first home just so I could have a little bit of her here. It quotes James 4:8 and I have probably read that scripture thousands of times but never really got it until today. It says that, “if you draw near to God, He will draw near to you”. I entered this contest two weeks after starting to work out for the umpteenth time since in at least a decade of trying. I’ve said before if I just got selected for this contest then I would no longer have an excuse for being unhealthy… and I’m just going to say it- fat. I asked God for a chance at something that may not be as important as most things He deals with. “When you ask for something, be prepared when you get it” was the quote that crossed my mind and now I realize that my two weeks of working out three times a week had been a preparation for the challenge I asked for. At that point, I had lost my customary six pounds and was not sure how to get past that. So I stepped out in faith believing that God would put the right people around me, and did He ever!

I have gone from barely getting through one workout a day, three times a week to pounding out two or three workouts a day, five to six days a week. I have gone from barely pulling myself out of bed by 8 am to waking up before my 6:30 alarm goes off and making my kids both breakfast and lunch before school each day. I have gone from barely squeezing into size 22Ws to almost fitting into size 16s (they are a couple of steps until my “goal pants”). This time, losing weight has been totally different and it has to be in correlation with that tiny scripture that has been sitting on the vanity in our half bath for over five years. My friend’s husband pointed out to me today that thing with that scripture is that action on our part is necessary for God to do anything. I could have cried and complained and moped around for another decade about being fat and slow and miserable but that would not have changed a thing. In fact, I probably would have gotten fatter. But the moment that I started toward my goal it was like God was pushing my goal toward me. I started getting stronger. Each time I added a workout and pushed past the kitchen my goal became a little more within my reach. I also noticed that my intensity during the workouts increased. I really try to exaggerate movements to maximize the effectiveness. If I left a class or got off an elliptical without being drenched with sweat, I didn’t work out. Why do anything half hearted? And there I was everyday trying to make good on the investment God has in me. Today I realized that all that I have been doing in this competition is strengthening a relationship with Someone who loves me very much.

When I began this contest I had lots of excuses to not go all in and a new one pops up every now and again just to test my resolve in completing this task. I would have to work harder than everyone else in the contest to lose weight. I do have a great deal of responsibilities with four children at home and my husband’s long hours. I do have to travel across town to work out and gas prices are high. My knee does hurt if I do squats and lunges. Sweating profusely, everyday is pretty rough on my hair. I could go on but it is much more fulfilling to honor the accomplishments that have been achieved in spite of the obstacles. I thank God for every class my husband and I work to get me to. I say “Amen” every time I get farther in a workout than I did before. I thank God for everyone who has gotten something out of these blogs. And every time the numbers get lower on the scale I give thanks and praise to my Father that He thought enough of me to meet me where I was and answer a silly request, just so He could draw closer to me. I still have a great deal of work ahead of me but seeing where I was and feeling the testimony that is growing from this is more than enough to keep pushing me forward.

So far this week I have missed some workouts. The kids were sick so I spent the downtime at home tightening schedules, doing laundry, and reorganizing cabinets and drawers. You know, fun stuff… Now I have whatever cold my husband and kids were passing around. But I still lost weight. Not a lot but enough to realize that my body is doing what it is supposed to be doing and just maybe I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I still worked out but about half as much as I usually do. I may have overdone it yesterday because I don’t have enough energy to do any classes today.

But I am going to get all I can out of these last few weeks so now is the perfect time to fall back a little and reassess. I am about 7 pounds from my goal for this competition so I’m going back to my food “uniforms” for the balance of the competition. I call them uniforms because I eat basically the same things for each meal like our kids dress for school. They wear khakis and polos everyday. It makes for an easy conversation about what they are wearing to school today. I’m going to focus even more on making every workout count as my time becomes more limited. Eliminating food options was an easy way to capitalize on less workout time.

Please don’t think I didn’t work out. On Monday I only worked out once, Tuesday I worked out twice, yesterday I worked out for three hours so I know those seven pounds (and probably more) are within my reach but I’m realizing how much of my daily life is exercising. I do not want anyone to think that I’m taking it easy or that this is easy. Those three workouts from Monday and Tuesday and the three I planned for today made me realize how much I really do. It no longer seems like something I do in addition to everything else it kind of just fits in. Yes, I’m sure my house could be cleaner and I have a Cornell West Reader I really should read but I also like fitting into age-appropriate jeans and walking to and from our children’s’ school without getting winded.

I have a lot of fat to lose before I am satisfied and I know this contest is over in a couple of weeks but I will consider it a win if I get to my halfway point by October 7th. So this really is just the beginning for me. I am definitely on a mission because I have other goals for my birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Without this experience I am not so sure I would have set such lofty goals during some typically huge eating days. But with all that I have learned about myself I’m amped because New Year’s is going to be really new for me!

Today is our oldest son’s tenth birthday!  So of course I have been looking at baby pictures of him all week long thinking of how far we’ve come as a family.  I also noticed that I as much as I took pictures, I wasn’t much for being in them.  They made me so uncomfortable.  I also have been guilty of using the kids to block how big I was if I was forced to take a picture.  There is one picture in particular that was taken the Christmas after our last daughter was born.  I am holding our five month old and I look about seven months pregnant.  I could see people trying to do the math in their heads.  I just chalked it up to “just” having a baby.  Then a couple days after last Christmas (it’s not always Christmas, honest!) my husband, kids, and I were at a toy store cashing in gift cards.  I was holding the baby who was one year (and five months) old and the cashier asked me what I was having this time.  Our kids were born boy-girl-boy-girl so “It must be a boy!  And besides you’re pretty high up!”  The kids looked at me, grinning, like they found something out I hadn’t told them…another Christmas Miracle, perhaps!  I think the look of horror on my husband’s face helped the poor girl recognize her error and she apologized at least eight times while she rung us up.  I am not sure I have ever been around three more uncomfortable adults in my life.  I think we got some free batteries too…  It wasn’t her fault, I looked really pregnant.  I couldn’t chalk this up to just having a baby.

I could have allowed my feelings get the best of me because as terrible as I felt, it would have been easy.  Fortunately, I realized that the time for me to own this had come!  I tried working out but my eating habits were pretty poor.  I never ate breakfast until noon and I had daily bowls of surgery cereal before I went to bed.  I cleaned most of my kids’ plates as well as my own.  Sleep was a luxury.  Do you know how much work you can get done when kids are asleep?!  Ken even bought me an expensive set of DVDs so that I could get workouts in when my day allowed.  I had cycles of working out really hard and then not doing anything for weeks.  I had the desire to change my health and body but couldn’t get it together.  It was about four months of losing and gaining the same six pounds over and over.  Thanks to the exercise and nutrition program at Flab to Fab that six pounds is finally gone for good as well as some of its friends.   I’m fitting clothes that I haven’t worn in years and the nightly cereal thing is no longer a habit.  I am about twenty pounds from my goal for this competition but I am so much closer mentally and emotionally.  My kids deserve to have as many pictures of me as I have of them.

So, for the balance of this contest, I will be working out daily between 2.5 -3 hours, except for Sundays.  I can see some muscles beginning to tone but I can also see that they are beneath some fat that I need to get rid of.  I’m chasing my kids around (and catching them!) and I don’t know if you know but the back of your leg and your behind are two different body parts!  I started this competition trying to figure out how long it would be until I wouldn’t be sore the day after a workout but now I welcome the discomfort.  It means that I am growing, in the right direction.

In a show I watch often the speaker said that in stressful or challenging situations you can either have power over it or pity for it.  One or the other, but not both.  This week has been a challenge mostly in areas that I do not have control over.  So in those areas I do all that I can do and surrender the rest to God.  But in determining the difference between two areas I have realized that there is a great deal that I do control.  I cannot control people’s attitudes or actions but I can control my reaction to them.

I cannot help that I am not able to be at Flab to Fab as regularly as I have been but I can absolutely control what I put in my mouth and what I say with my mouth.  Positive speaking and conscientious eating are my main allies right now.  The spare moments I do have are utilized for exercise.  I am definitely using the resources I have available to me and I am pretty happy about the results.  More importantly I am excited about my potential after the challenge is over.  Lisa is eventually going to stop checking my fridge, Shanna will no longer be jogging along the side of the Windstar, and Linda and her Tie-Dye’s presence cannot will me through a class.  The women who have helped me focus, challenged me to do more than what I am used to, and prayed for and with me at the gym are blessings that I couldn’t have thought up myself. It is definitely one thing to invest in a gym membership so that you can exercise but it is an entirely different thing when the people at the gym are invested in you.  So I’m taking that Flab to Fab inspiration everywhere that I go.  I am definitely choosing power as my reward over this challenge and I hope the other girls are doing the same.

This week has been a challenge and I am glad to share that through it all I still lost weight and a few inches!  Not as much when my whole day was about the gym and my husband was more available to be with our kids whenever I wanted to squeeze in a second (or third) workout.  This is when I wake up from the fantasy that my family revolves around me to the reality that most mothers live.  I think it is pretty comparable to plate spinning.  So I see every ounce and centimeter that I lost as evidence that I can continue to lose weight now that my family’s focus has changed.  This experience with Lisa and the others at Flab to Fab has “rewired” me so that exercise and healthy food choices are just a regular part of my day.  As cool as it would be to win this thing, the coolest thing is that I no longer feel like spending an hour or two at the gym compromises my abilities to do everything I have to do for my kids.  Even if I come in last place (which I absolutely will not!), this epiphany alone would keep me smiling AND working toward my goal.  My aunt has told me on several occasions that sometimes you just have to encourage yourself and this week has definitely convinced me that it is the truth.

School starts for my children (and husband) next week and so everything from lunches to extra laundry to homework comes with it.   I will resume my regular duties and probably not work out twice a day but I will definitely continue eating properly and utilize the resources I have to remain dedicated to myself and this challenge.  I don t know about you, but I am pretty interested in how well I can do for over the next five weeks!  This summer has been an awesome lesson in how to still be the wife and mother I need to be and get a little closer to the Tica that was intended.  There is something about physically challenging and pushing yourself that strengthens your inside as well as your outside.  I will be the first to tell you it is VERY satisfying to put on something you know to be your size only to find out that it is too big but it is honestly just as satisfying to have faith in what you are doing and confidence in your path.  For me, the latter had to come first.

I have to admit that I was not sure that I was the right fit for this contest and people have even questioned my selection but I am starting to see there is absolutely reason.  Friends, family, gym members have reminded me how many women are in similar positions that I am.  It has not been a complete change of the agenda, I know how blessed I am to be able to stay at home with my children while they are so young.   But Flab to Fab’s influence has encouraged me to become more respectful of my body and how to strengthen and use it properly. I don’t think anything was more important that having the right people around me at the beginning of this.  And yes, it will be difficult to find the balance between taking care of my family and finishing this challenge as intently as I began.  But I know that finding that balance now will allow my new lifestyle to continue as well as be an example to many of my peers.

Thanks for reading!

This week has been pretty good.  I have increased my workouts at Flab to Fab to six times a week, drinking lots more water, and eating more consistently.  I took a Kettle Bell class on Saturday that was so intense that it made me think about everything I ate the rest of the weekend!  So even on Sunday (my day off), I probably burned some stored energy because I was not about to waste that workout!

People are starting to notice my weight loss and asking me how the contest is going.  That also keeps me focused on my goal.  This is so different in what I have done before because it is SO public; it’s all out there!  It took me a really long time to tell my husband how much I weighed and I told you guys after five weeks!  That may be why it is working.  Being overweight no longer has any more power over me than I allow it.   I now look at my weight as a challenge…and it’s going down!   I now have family, church members, past teachers, former classmates, past co-workers, my kids’ teachers, gym members, and blog responders praying for me and encouraging me to push through this challenge.  I know that I am one of seven that has been given this opportunity and it has been a Blessing to be able to share my experience in this blog.  I know that most people cannot workout as much as I am as often as I do.  There are so many mothers I know that give their whole days to their families and careers, that even sneaking in thirty minutes of exercise a few times a week seems impossible.  I also know that most women doing that will not get the results they want in the time frame they want them in but it is a step in the right direction.  We HAVE to take care of ourselves if we want to do anyone else any good.  Whether your goal takes twelve weeks or twelve months (or more), you have to recognize that you are worth the work.  This is something this gym and these girls have taught me.  Whether we lose two pounds or twenty it is still a step toward healthier, more powerful women and that is something that we, our families, children (present and future), and neighbors should be excited about.  Support is such an important part of this experience and I am challenging myself to give as much support as I am receiving.

Thank you all for reading!

The time is flying by so quickly!  I am losing weight and inches but I am also gaining perspective about how I got this big and how not to return!  I have challenged myself to do more; cleaner eating, more exercising, and drinking more water.  Just to see what happens!  Thank God that I have the husband I do because he’s picking up a lot of my slack…without complaining or obligatory high fives (you know how they can be!).  I only have seven weeks left and WE have every intention of giving it everything WE’ve got.  It really has been a joint effort and I know I would not be doing as well as I am without his support…and massages!  I didn’t gain all this weight in 12 weeks but I have already had Blessings in my life so I know what God is capable of when you put your faith into action.

It is getting easier to not eat the things I am not allowed.  It is getting easier to breathe and enjoy a workout.  My two year old who has NEVER done daycare just runs to the toys without giving me a second thought.  I have more energy during the day so that I can still maintain my responsibilities as a housewife and mother and be 100 during my workouts.  I can’t help but recognize that all the factors (excuses, really) that kept me at almost 250 pounds are falling by the wayside.   I know it is because I finally know what it means to step outside of what I think is me and start loving and taking care of myself the way it was intended.  Whether I win this competition between the girls or not, I already know that I have defeated my greatest enemy.

Here’s the thing, I come from a long line of FANTASTIC cooks.  My mother is fabulous.  My grandmothers could cook anyone on Food Network under the table on their worst day.  Holidays were more like all day food tours, going from Grandmother to Grandmother to Aunties’ House. And not just the expected Thanksgiving or Christmas but Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day…Tuesday.  Food has been more of an expression of love and creativity.  I don’t think my husband (then boyfriend) EVER left my Grandma Dorothy’s house without having eaten something.  I know I’m not the only one who understands what is about to go down when someone “puts their foot” into something they’ve prepared!  Here’s the other thing, I’ve inherited my family’s talents and developed into a pretty impressive cook myself.  I LOVE feeding people! It’s my way of expressing gratitude or affection to people I care about.  It also makes me feel closer to my grandmothers when people enjoy my food they way I enjoyed theirs.  Food and what it brings with it is an integral part of who I am.

Okay, so Lisa did not consult with my mom or Grandmothers about the menu she gave me.  But in trying to follow it, I’ve discovered how important food has been to me.  The first three weeks were so difficult because I kept trying to find a way to get some Aljestmas and Dorothy up in there which was the wrong approach.  It greatly limits what their love is to me and does for me.  So this past week, I have really been eating the same things…over and over again.  And it really hasn’t bothered me.  In fact I’ve lost more weight than I lost last week because I’ve taken the power that food has had over me.  Seriously, how excited can a person get over 3 ounces of Foremen’d chicken breast and 2 cups of steamed broccoli?  Now I feel like food is more the constant in the equation instead of the variable.  Now my health gain (this is bigger than weight loss…“you’ll have what you say”, right?!) is dependent upon what I put in at the gym instead of what I put in my mouth.  Amen.

I’ve been hitting the gyms pretty hard this week.  I say gyms because I go to the Y about three times a week.  My kids love the activities they offer and we’ve been members for years.  I’ve tried to lose weight and get healthier there in the past but nothing really stuck.  I wasn’t ready.  My family wasn’t ready.  Its tough enough to motivate yourself but try convincing four kids, two of which the idea of child-watch or daycare is foreign, that its okay that Mommie’s going to drop you off with people you don’t know.  Now that my kids are old enough to recognize that I’m coming back, I just have to convince me.  And I’m generally pretty rational.

But there is also something special about Flab to Fab that is making this time different. When I have to take this kids, my two year old usually ends up sitting on my stomach while we do abs.She’s comfortable there, I’m comfortable with her there (NOT physically) and it doesn’t interfere with my group’s workout.  I don’t have to postpone being a mom to get healthy.  The times I don’t have to bring the kids are awesome too.  I can do the group exercise session totally concentrating on the workout.  During the individual cardio, I put in my ear buds and listen to music that’s not about a party in my tummy and just burn it up.  Those 25 minutes flies!

This week I’m going to be more diligent about reading food labels.  Specifically the sugar content in food.  I have not been following the diet to the letter and though my endurance has increased, I haven’t seen the results I would have liked.  I’m sure its because of the sugar I eat and drink.  Ketchup, barbeque and spaghetti sauces, and iced tea are things I know have sugar.  But there’s even sugar in chicken patties!   I don’t want this to be yet another attempt at losing the weight; it needs to be the last.  So, I’m all in–one meal at a time, one workout at a time, one day at a time.  Its how I gained the weight in the first place…and its the best way to eat an elephant.

I kind of think Lisa has been peeking in my windows.  The day she gave us our personalized diets I had pulled ground veal out of the freezer to make salisbury steaks for dinner.  I also checked to see if I had enough bow ties for the garlic butter noodles my kids love to mix with the broccoli I was making.  After our morning routine at the gym on Friday she went over our menus and saved mine for last.  No red meat, no pasta, no bread…  I started looking around for one of the other Ticas at the gym.

We’re not big red meat eaters really but spaghetti is my go-to meal.  My “what-am-I-going-to-make-in-twenty-minutes-that-all-of-the-kids-will-actually-eat” meal. And I also thought having to go to Flab to Fab would give me more reason to frequent the Bread Store more often.  We probably eat it with every meal, every day.  Now, neither my kids nor my husband signed up for this.  I’m pretty sure that I’m not going to have the energy to explain everyday for the next eleven weeks why my four year old cant have his PB&J or my husband, who is half Italian, cant have pasta.  Having children (and a husband) has taught me to pick my battles.  Mommy leaving the house to workout, yes.  Spending a little more money on healthier foods for all of us, definitely.  Twenty uninterrupted minutes to take a hot shower in a locked bathroom after these workouts, with every fiber of my being. Not buying the kids’ favorite breakfast food (English muffins, bagels, and waffles) or my husband’s snacks is not one I have to win…just yet anyway.  So I spent my Sunday cleaning, portioning, and cooking the chicken breast that will make up most of my meals for the week.  It was a pain but it is making eating properly less difficult.  More importantly it has made NOT eating the wrong things less difficult as well.  This is my most difficult part of this challenge.

Its hard to be sedentary with kids so the exercise portion of the challenge is the easiest promise for me to keep. Not finishing my kids’ plates and not eating cereal have been the most difficult. Exercise makes me feel good; it gives me a sense of accomplishment that I carry with me throughout the day. And as silly as it sounds, not having ice cream and cake and cookies and hamburgers and hot dogs when everyone else is, really made me feel left out. But in learning how to deal with such silliness, I have recognized that the things that are in regular rotation at our table are setting my kids up to deal with the same stuff that is holding me down. I cannot allow that to happen. That realization has brought me to this–Lisa can look all up in and through my house. She can even bring Shanna–who is awesome Her plan has not only drastically changed how I will eat but how I think about feeding my family because I intend on keeping them Fabulous. This is my ultimate goal.

Today was an absolute Blessing! I have been struggling with my health and weight since I have been having children and I can now see the tunnel. Maybe not the light at the end of the tunnel but I finally feel like I’m heading in the right direction. Almost as long as I’ve been alive, I have been taking care of someone. Today was, for me, an “excuse” to put me first.

I have to admit though, I’m a little intimidated! I entered the contest as kind of a dare. My exact words were, “Okay God, I’m going to enter this contest and try to start working out again. If you give it to me, then I’ll know that this weight thing is what you want me to handle”. My Father knows me so I wasn’t surprised when my husband came home to tell me he ran into a childhood friend who is an aerobics instructor and thinks I should take her class. I started her class the day after I entered the contest.

So in front of me is this overwhelming task to allow someone to help me do something that I have not been able to do. My weight is just a symptom. I’m really looking forward to getting to know the girls and trainers. It’s been my experience that God always puts the right people around you when you’re doing what He wants you to do. I’m looking forward to ALL of us succeeding. With that being said, we all need to remember that no one can beat you except you, but I’m certainly going to try! And I expect nothing less from everyone else. The competitor in me might keep me from making Sweet Green Tea so these training sessions aren’t in vain. This can be a Blessing that can change the course of our lives AT THE VERY LEAST physically. Ima get mine!

Tica

I have a place, there is nothing special about the way it looks, four walls, a ceiling and a floor.  What makes my place special is what goes on inside those walls.  Women’s lives are changed!  They meet new friends, feel better about themselves, and mold the outside to match what’s on the inside.

I had an idea to help some very special people, people with the desire for a healthier lifestyle.  The idea was my version of the “Biggest Loser.” My version because no one gets kicked out.  One hundred and seventy four women wrote and stated their case as to why they should be among the chosen six. Thirty four were asked to come for a meet and greet … the plan was to pick the six to participate.  After meeting them all, the six became seven, seven more were given a free 3 month membership, and the remaining 160 women are being given the option to join the gym at half price.  All the women are special and have a different story.  After reading all the submissions I knew I couldn’t walk away from any of them.

My place is Flab to Fab, nothing special about the building or what it looks like, all the magic is on the inside. It’s a judgment free zone.  Women from 17 to 70 are there to better themselves physically, the magical part happens when they look in the mirror and like what they see.  With hard work and determination you can mold the body, the mind and the heart on the other hand it takes time and encouragement.  To all those women who submitted entries I say: “That was the first step, now take the second and use the half price membership.”  Make a new friend, feel better about yourself, get healthier, and be there for yourself and the ones you love.

– Lisa Desko, Owner, Flab to Fab

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