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You know you’ve been working out a lot at Flab to Fab if…

1. You make the connection that the song on the radio is also a song played in Chelsea’s Zumba class
2. You start dancing to said song like you were in Chelsea’s Zumba class
3. Your new mantra is “abs are contracted”
4. Your all day outfit usually consists of stretch pants and a t-shirt
5. You start showing off your newly acquired muscles by having anyone (willing or not) feel your arm
6. Your spouse tells you to stop moving your arms in your sleep
7. Your dreams involve doing bicep curls
8. Your dreams involve the gym – period
9. You automatically do a squat in front of your toilet…because “pretend there’s a dirty toilet and you don’t want to touch it” is ingrained in your head
10. You have the energy to do all of your household chores WITHOUT taking a nap in between
11. You still feel the burn during Todd’s Body Burn class, but you don’t feel like you’re going to throw up anymore (woo-hoo!)
12. You can add a little swagger to your moves in Shanna’s Hip Hop class
13. You can say the word “kettlebell” without – *sniff* – tearing up
14. You are losing both inches AND pounds (yay!!!)

And finally…

 You look forward to going to the gym to see what else is in store for you (because there’s never a dull moment…thanks to Lisa and her yellow paper

I don’t know where to begin… I am feeling frustrated. I have never wanted anything so much in my entire life. I am trying so hard to do the best I possibly can, but it just doesn’t seem like enough. I work out 6 days a week, and I love it, but I’m just not SEEING results. I know Rome wasn’t built in a day but come on! I guess I just have my expectations set too high. I am hoping I can get my spirits back up as quickly as possible. I’m not used to letting things bring me down, but it can get to a point where you just have to take a step back and accept your feelings and try to make sense of it all.

Sometimes people just need a chance to vent. I guess that’s what I’m doing this week. I want to scream, cry and laugh all at the same time. I am so good at pretending everything is okay, but I hurt. Being called fat hurts. Having people use weight to judge you as a person hurts. Living life afraid of never accomplishing anything hurts. I am so tired of being the joke and my weight shouldn’t be the punch line. I am NOT a joke, I am NOT worthless, and I WILL succeed in life. I can barely type this with the tears running down my face, but it feels good to let that all out. I am done trying to find approval through others. I am doing this for me, my health, and my life.

“Beneath the makeup and behind the smile I am just a girl who wishes for the world.” – Marilyn Monroe

Time needs to seriously slow down! I feel like this 12 weeks just keeps slipping further and further away… I don’t have any idea of what I’ll do when it’s all over. I have so much fun whenever I’m in the gym… Even when we’re ‘keeping up the intensity’ in Todd’s class. The pain is becoming easier to deal with, and it’s routine to switch up my pace in classes. Yes, I have struggled with health issues over the past few weeks, yet, while working out, I don’t even think about those things. The gym has become one of those rare places where I can just relax my mind and get into the rythm of whatever we’re doing. I have few worries there, and that’s rare for me.

This week has been a challenge and I am glad to share that through it all I still lost weight and a few inches!  Not as much when my whole day was about the gym and my husband was more available to be with our kids whenever I wanted to squeeze in a second (or third) workout.  This is when I wake up from the fantasy that my family revolves around me to the reality that most mothers live.  I think it is pretty comparable to plate spinning.  So I see every ounce and centimeter that I lost as evidence that I can continue to lose weight now that my family’s focus has changed.  This experience with Lisa and the others at Flab to Fab has “rewired” me so that exercise and healthy food choices are just a regular part of my day.  As cool as it would be to win this thing, the coolest thing is that I no longer feel like spending an hour or two at the gym compromises my abilities to do everything I have to do for my kids.  Even if I come in last place (which I absolutely will not!), this epiphany alone would keep me smiling AND working toward my goal.  My aunt has told me on several occasions that sometimes you just have to encourage yourself and this week has definitely convinced me that it is the truth.

School starts for my children (and husband) next week and so everything from lunches to extra laundry to homework comes with it.   I will resume my regular duties and probably not work out twice a day but I will definitely continue eating properly and utilize the resources I have to remain dedicated to myself and this challenge.  I don t know about you, but I am pretty interested in how well I can do for over the next five weeks!  This summer has been an awesome lesson in how to still be the wife and mother I need to be and get a little closer to the Tica that was intended.  There is something about physically challenging and pushing yourself that strengthens your inside as well as your outside.  I will be the first to tell you it is VERY satisfying to put on something you know to be your size only to find out that it is too big but it is honestly just as satisfying to have faith in what you are doing and confidence in your path.  For me, the latter had to come first.

I have to admit that I was not sure that I was the right fit for this contest and people have even questioned my selection but I am starting to see there is absolutely reason.  Friends, family, gym members have reminded me how many women are in similar positions that I am.  It has not been a complete change of the agenda, I know how blessed I am to be able to stay at home with my children while they are so young.   But Flab to Fab’s influence has encouraged me to become more respectful of my body and how to strengthen and use it properly. I don’t think anything was more important that having the right people around me at the beginning of this.  And yes, it will be difficult to find the balance between taking care of my family and finishing this challenge as intently as I began.  But I know that finding that balance now will allow my new lifestyle to continue as well as be an example to many of my peers.

Thanks for reading!

I think committing to a vigorous workout is kind of like waiting in line for a huge and terrifying roller coaster.  It’s something I really want to do.  I know I’ll get up there eventually…eventually I’ll take that big step onto the ride, but for now, I’m waiting for that moment.  I’m building up some energy, watching other people on the ride to see how they do, and what their reactions are.  The closer I get to the ride, the more anxiety I feel, and I might even have doubt about whether or not I’ll be able to follow through and actually get ON the ride, it’s looks intense!  Then it’s my turn. It’s time to put up or shut up.  If I don’t get on the ride I’ll never know that amazing that I might have had if I had taken the ride.  I think I’m going to get on the ride. Good thing I love roller coasters   I might have some second thoughts while I’m sweating my butt off, and I might swear that I’ll never do it again, but I know that after all is said and done I’ll be glad that I did it.

So all in all, I think I’m ready for another big push (the first one was making it though the first half of the competition).  I started with the mini roller coasters, time for the big ones.  I want to come out on the other end of this competition feeling awesome and accomplishing things that I wasn’t able to before I started this.  I’m really feeling great…I’m feeling very motivated, and to quote one of my teammates/competitors “I’m just brimming with love and rainbows and sunshine” (Very well put Adria!)  If there was ever a time for me to meet my goals, this is it!

If I had to pick one word to explain my time in this competition so far “change” seems to fit.  Looking back to day 1 of thin it to win it I never thought I would change this much.  Not just physically but mentally as well.  Small yet significant changes have and continue to happen.  I no longer run out of breath going up and down the stairs.  My confidence has grown, and I really feel like I can become a better healthier person.  I find it crazy that in such a short time that so many important changes have happened.  This competition has made me realize I have been selling myself short for quite some time now.

I remember when this all started I said that thin it to win it was a life savor.  I mean that today more than I ever could have then.  I understand just how bad things really were.  All those extra pounds don’t just weigh a lot on the scale, they weigh down a persons self worth.  They make you doubt who you are and who you can be.  So today I am making myself a promise, I will never let the pounds win.  I will continue to lose each and every unwanted pound and after that I will continue to fight to keep them off.  I can only lose if I stop. I’m not in this for a prize, I don’t care if I lose the most or the least.  I’m in this to lose the weight and live a long healthy life, a life where I will be around to help my son grow into an amazing man, a life where I can accomplish anything.  All it takes is a little effort and accepting the change.

Something crazy has happened! I have become a person that enjoys going to the gym. I never thought in a million years I would feel this way. I really enjoy the gym because of Lisa and the girls and also because of how I feel after a workout. When I get to exercise in the morning, I feel happier and have more energy the rest of the day. I love being active and until this competition I didn’t realize how much sitting on my butt I was doing. I can talk long walks now without getting out of breath and it is just a very good feeling. I also am trying my best to watch what I am eating. I am still struggling with breaking my eating habits. I have been using food for comfort for almost all of my life. It has definitely gotten better but stress eating is something I need to work on. If I have a bad day at work or just in general, I want something fattening and mentally I feel like I am making myself feel better. I know that this is not the answer to relieve my stress. I am proud of the changes I have made so far but I am a work in progress. I really do not want this competition to ever end, it is one of the best things that has ever happened to me!