Peter Evan, older brother of Erie Lady Lions hockey player Sarah Evan, is creating a book a photographs chronicling his family’s battle with cancer titled “Warm as Winter.” Victor Fernandes conducted a Q&A with Peter Evan, 30, who is working on his Ph.D. and teaching English at the University of Cambridge’s Pembroke College in Cambridge, England.
Q: How long have you been working on the book, and what made you want to create it?
A: I took quite a lot of photos in the time I spent with my parents during the year or so between my mother’s diagnosis and the completion of her chemotherapy. At the time it wasn’t out of any conscious desire to document what they were going through, though I have to admit that I was very aware that each photo of my mother that I took might end up being the last. I took them out of habit more than anything else, but also as a coping mechanism. Taking photos is something I enjoy anyway, but it also gave me a means to deal with what was going on in a somewhat indirect way when things became to painful to face more directly.
I put some of the less harsh photos on the net, mostly because I’d been doing that for years and it helped me preserve some sense of normalcy, but also to give my friends back in the UK an idea of what was going on when I didn’t have the time to write. Some of those photos were picked up by photography blogs and a few were published in small photography zines. I denied requests to publish some of the more personal images, but many people who saw them encouraged me to turn them into a larger project and publish them somehow. I didn’t like the idea at first because I had a hard time looking at many of those photos myself, and I didn’t think it would be respectful to my family to make them public. I also wondered if anyone would actually want to see such potentially depressing images.
As time has passed I’ve been able to look at them again more objectively, and I’ve decided that I do like them as photos, and I think I’ve been able to express some of the happier moments of those times in a way that others can see, so that looking at them doesn’t have to be an unremittingly dark experience.
With that in mind, just before Christmas I laid them out in book form with the working title “Warm as Winter” (check out his work in progress by clicking on the above link.
The idea behind the title is pretty simple. The ‘winter’ refers to the wintry landscape of (Western New York) that is the backdrop of so many of the images, but also to the terrible events that my family experienced. The ‘warm’ refers to the moments of happiness and beauty that we spent together. Before those events ended up parting us from my father, they also brought us together as a family, much like the coldness of winter brings people together for warmth.
In some ways, taking these photos has prolonged and hampered my grieving by making it impossible to forget some particularly painful details, but it has also helped me to remember that there were times when we were closer than we’ve ever been, and actually very happy, albeit in a small and fragile way. We’ve always been close as a family, but I don’t think we would have been able to appreciate that closeness so keenly if we hadn’t been through all of that. I hope that people who see my photos will be able to bring some of that heightened appreciation of their relationships into their own lives without having to go through so much of of the pain.
Q: Are your plans to publish the book and donate the proceeds to lymphoma and leukemia research?
I’d come round to the idea of publishing them as a book, and because I wanted to give back to the charities that had been a help to us, and I hated the idea of profiting from my family’s misery, I decided that if I did get it published, any profits should go to the Leukemia Lymphoma Society, the American Cancer Society, and possibly one or two more.
Q: Can you describe how you felt about the renovations in the (family) home (in Bemus Point, N.Y.), and having so many people volunteer their time?
I was impressed by the large amount of people that were willing to help, and moved by the generosity of their time and resources. When I visited at Christmas, I immediately noticed a difference in the quality of the air throughout the house. It has been very hard for me to be so far from my mother during her slow recovery over the last year, so it’s a relief to know that people back in the States are looking out for her and are so willing to help.
Q: Can you describe how proud you are of Sarah for how mature she has been with helping your mother, with home-schooling, with how successful she’s been in life? Also, can you describe the special relationship Sarah and your mother have?
One of the most heartbreaking things for me about this whole experience has been seeing much of the role of carer shift from my mother to Sarah in their relationship. Of course, this inevitably happens to almost everyone, but it seems so terribly unfair that it has had to happen to Sarah at such a young age. I can’t express how proud I am of what she’s been able to do.
I worry about my mother constantly, but the only reason I’ve been able to return to work here in the UK is because I know Sarah is so capable.
- Victor Fernandes
